I was wrong.

I ended up going to see Grandpa Bob this weekend, spent all Saturday and today in Edmonton. I was wrong, so wrong. Seeing him, holding him, speaking with him, and listening to him was so... heart breaking. I'm broken hearted for that man, for grandma Carol, for all my unrelated family, I ache for them. 

At one point he looked to grandma and I speaking four earth shattering words; "I can't believe this." then he softly drifted back to an uncontrolled slumber. I saw the strongest woman I have ever known fall to pieces, and as I sat beside her, holding her hand, and pressing soft short kisses to her shoulder, I felt a small bit of myself die.

This is my family, I may have been out of touch for years upon years, but they are mine. 
I love them all so dearly.
I was reminded of how much they all mean to me over the course of two days.



I didn't want to leave, how could I of left?

What am I doing here?

The lights will go out soon

When I came home this morning from my meeting at SAIT I saw a new message blinking on my answering machine. As I took my coat off and carefully folded it over my arm, I reached to hit play just as anyone else would. I walked away from the machine as it played the message, and the voice I heard was familiar, a voice that took me back to my youth, but the message I received was one to remind me of age. My beloved great grandpa Bob is in the hospital, and they are expecting him to pass this night. I have not seen this man in years, I have not spoken with him in far too long, his religious ramblings began to give me a complex as I grew older. Now all I wish is that I would have visited more, Sat with him, Listened to what he had to say.

So here is the reminder that nothing lasts forever, no one will be with us till the end of time, and the small things you find intolerable will one day be something you miss.

Is it pathetic that I will not shed a tear? Is it pathetic that this news will not affect my daily routine, other than the words I write in this moment? It is true that death has become a common thing in my life. I have not been personally affected by a death of a loved one in years. It has become expected, but the reminder of how precious our lives are will always ring true in moments such as these. To never take a single moment for granted and to hold the ones you love close.

I truly hope your beliefs were right Grandpa Bob 

and you end up in a much better place than we are.