Late night conversations.

While I sat here late at night of the 7th, silence creeped through out the house. I could feel the haunt of a past lingering in the air. So many memories, so many thoughts tried to work their way back into my inner self, but I fought them off, I kept them away, determination to get back to me had taken over. I wanted to not speak with a person, I wanted not to be reminded of the obstacles I face. While my small toes curled under the blankets and warmth had finally reached my nerves, that's when your name appeared on this computer screen.


I received an apology, an explanation, and an "I miss you", but it's not enough. When I said I hold no resentment towards you I meant it, I feel nothing but love for you, and I am ever so grateful that you were ever in my life. You had taught me so much, given me light when I was over taken by darkness, but the more I think of it, the more I realize I could never forgive you with my whole heart. I will never look to you the same again, and I will never feel for you the way I once did. 


Amazing men backed by poor decisions are not what I want to associate myself with, I do not want to give you any more of me. I could never forget you my baby-roo, and you will always drift in and out of my thoughts. I may speak with you from time to time, just to make sure you're doing well as I want nothing less for you; but it will never be the same. No more 2 am phone calls, no more drunken affection, none of it. For that I'm sorry, for it all, I'm sorry. I know this will not effect you too strongly and perhaps that brings me peace.

I only could hope we both find happiness, but sadly neither one of us will reach said happiness with the other in our life.

For the last time ever, I love who you are.