Mayday

listen I never ever thought that it would come to this 

never ever thought I'd loose my commense sense 

but oh oh I've lost it with you 

you love to be the cause of all the turbulence 

love to be the captain of the arguments 

but oh oh I'm done flying with you 

Mayday

Mayday

We're going down, we're going down 

Mayday

Mayday

we're going down and down and down 


Crazy
we could save this thing and land it safely 
but i forget your wicked and your lazy 
and now you hate me, we're going down
 
Will you please pull up 
we aint gunna make it up 
cant you see we're going down down, going down down! 

Houston your breaking up 
now we're heading for the ground

Drifter

tick tock

tick tock

kcit kcot

citk tokc

itck koct

citokktc

koctitck

Koctitck

Keeping

Obliterated 

Cities

Toppling

In

Time

Counting

Kingsmen. 

I think about you.

Do you think about me?

I can't bring myself to hate you

I can't bring myself to miss you

I just - you are - just - a passing thought from time to time. 

I forgot about this little fucker.

Yeah that's right Blog - I forgot about you - get over it.


An RPG pm actually reminded me that you exist - a lot has changed. 


Everything changes though. 


Updates?


Not now - not today. 

Favourite Sunday PostSecret?

I fucking think so!

Dear Husband(Yeah - btw- I got married, that will be talked about another time.) this is you and me - not in the picture but I think someone has been spying on us and wrote this ABOUT US. Assholes. 

Well, what the fuck?

You know you are one of my closer friends, one of the few people who kept me around that place at all. To go from caring about me so deeply to writing me off as a friend at all it heart wrenching.

To jump to the conclusion that I did something that I swear I didn't is hurtful beyond belief. I have never told one person one thing that any of the others from that site have ever told me; EVER, let alone when it comes to one of my better friends.

To know you think so little of me kills. I love you Ryan and I hope you realize what you are doing to me.

The Frames.

Have you ever seen the movie Once? If not I would highly suggest you do, it is a great indie movie with a stunning soundtrack. 


The two main actors are Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova both of them have such amazing voice's so haunting, between the two of them they give me goose bumps. Anyway the point is I found out they have a band called The Swell Season, and Glen actually has another one called The Frames. 


Both are incredible and I could link hundreds of them but I can only pick one.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do

Favourite Sunday Post Secret.

It was a toss up between two this week so I will post them both.

I don't know if I can relate to this one personally but for some reason it spoke to me, made me want to put it on here. Maybe it's because I am the girl that so many people decide they want to spend their lives with. I don't know which is worse, having what you think is no one ever feeling that way about you(Which I will add you are wrong at some point someone will thank such a thing about you.), or having nearly every person you come in a romantic contact with feel that way and having to let them all down. No not every man in my life has wanted such a thing from them, but off the top of my head I can only name maybe two who haven't.

I guess it's shitty to be on either side of this one.

Touch might just be the hardest thing to forget, the physical feeling. I still remember what you look like, I still remember the way you smell, the taste of you, and the sound of your voice. More than anything though I remember the feeling of you against me, the tender touches that one day turned to lashes of anger. I remember it all, the good and the bad, it creates such a complex in me sometimes that I don't know if I will ever be the same again.

A long one.

The skies are sheeted in black rolling clouds, wind is howling through the greens of our trees, the light brown bark looks to be as dark as the black skies heavily seeped of rain. My window is open and I can hear the falling of each drop, each splash of water hitting grass, cement, puddles, cars, roof, all of it, it echoes in the silence of this room. 


So much has happened since I wrote a blog I nearly don't know where to begin. 


I think I will start this entry in the same respects that got me started doing a blog at all. Another life I was blessed to know has fallen, perhaps you will now understand, when I said I am immune to death, this is why. It seems every few months I lose another person in my life, I gain so many more than I lose, which really on means I will lose more in the long run. No single life can be replaced, no presence I have ever come in contact with will ever be replaced by another. This life was one of the man who had reached the age of 90, 90 years of life, yet in the last 2 years I would not have been able to tell you of who he was that day. I could tell you stories of who he once was to me, and the way I would play with the wrinkled skin of his hand while my fourteen year old self sat on his lap like a child would on Santa. Such a man full of hope, a glistening in his eyes letting you know that he loved you; but in the final years he had grown silent, that sparkling incline of hope faded, and most days he no longer knew who he was. 


Condolences are given in so many different shapes, ways, and forms... yet each of them mean nothing, they are notions of not knowing what else to say, and I hate them. I KNOW he is better off now, and I know he is looking down on my Bomma with a great sense of pride, he loves his children each and every last one of them, grand children and great grand children a like. His memory has been restored, his youthful years restored. Yeah, I get it, I've heard it all before but thank you anyway.


The house is empty, pitter patter, rain falls and all I want to do is scream out at the top of my lung, a release of some sort. 


"I know that things are broken, too many things left unsaid, you say you have spoken and like the coward I am I hang my head." Liar by Mumford and sons; I'll post the video at the end of this.


One thing ended and it ended with a sour note, an off key with no sound, simply silence. Words are passed down a grape vine and I don't think you expected it to come back to me, but it did. It came back to the one person you never wanted to find out, or maybe that exactly where you wanted it to fall, right into my hands. I have so many questions with no answers, and I will never ask them, I will never speak with you on my own terms. If words are ever passed between us again it will be your doing. I will not lie and tell you that it had no effect on my mental well being because it did, but when one door closes another opens and I wasted to time staring at the door you slammed behind your exit. as the thundering sound of that door echoed down the narrow passage of my mind I followed it, left and right, then right and right again in circles, and the sound dissipated. It was swallowed by the sound of that new door opening, and out of that door I saw a new brilliant light. The light was no brighter than yours but this light hand no storm clouds surrounding it and rather than a grey tainted light, this one, it was pure white, and I have let it draw me forth.


It has illuminated my life and the path I walk on.
It is not the same.
It feels just as good though.
I wont say that I don't miss you, because, of course I do, but I can also tell you I would not give what I have now up for anything you could ever offer me. I hope you find happiness and I hope you find everything you ever wished to have, but I will not be at the finish line, I can't be.


I think that's enough for this blog, I'll do another one tomorrow to cover the other half of what is going on lately.